Jim was a baseball coach for my nephew's team not too long ago. I knew who he was and had heard he was a nice guy, but we'd never really spoken to each other except for maybe a "Hey, how are ya," or two. He was married, so I never "saw him that way."
The only reason I started to hear more about him or to see him more often was because he had come to my brother and sister in law for help. His marriage was in trouble, and he wanted to know what to do to try to save it. I felt really bad for him and his family and prayed often for restoration between his wife and him. As much as he tried, she said it was too late to change things, and she filed for divorce. I heard from others little bits and pieces of the story, and even a couple of people said, "Julie, he'll be single soon..." I didn't want to go there. It wasn't right. He was still married. I went to great lengths to not even be around him if I could help it. I didn't want to be a temptation or distraction. I also didn't want to put myself in a position to fall for a married man.
He would show up often at my brother's house, seeking advice and comfort, and the more we were around each other, the more we noticed things we liked in each other. We both recognized what was happening, so we decided it would be best for us to not be around each other or communicate AT ALL until all was said and done. We wanted to leave room for her to change her mind and be reconciled and to honor what was left of the marriage even though she'd already filed for divorce. There were times she'd even tell him to go out with someone else, and he would always say, "No, we're still married, and you could still change your mind and stay so we could work this out." She'd refuse.
Eventually, as things came to a close, he realized she was just ready to be done being married to him. Her mind was made up. The divorce was finalized, and we began to see each other. As we talked we were open and honest about all sorts of topics. We were both old enough to know what we wanted, what our deal-breakers were, and we didn't want to play any games. We'd both been hurt by past relationships and wanted someone to be completely open and honest with us....so we talked about EVERYTHING we could think of. Some of the questions were awkward or seemed silly, but we wanted to know what we were getting into....as much as you can know before you're actually married and living together. :)
Obviously it didn't take long for us to realize that we were what the other was looking for. We had friends and family offering advice and praying for wisdom and discernment as we thought through everything. One of our biggest concerns was how the kids would take it. They knew me a little, and liked me...but would they still feel that way if I was dad's new girlfriend? They would ask if I was coming over. They'd be bummed when I'd have to leave. At one point Holly asked Jim, "Dad, Julie's here all the time anyway...why doesn't she just move in?" He explained that we were waiting for certain things for marriage, and she responded with, "Well then why don't you marry her?"
It was actually the kids' idea for the three of them to propose to me. So one night while we were watching tv they all three surrounded me, each on one knee and asked, "Julie, will you marry us?" The rest is history! Now we're all getting used to new routines and new people to wake up to, but it's great. I love my new family.
