"But I want an Oompa Loompa NOW, daddy!!!"

I am not good at waiting. Anyone who has known me for any amount of time has probably picked up on this to some degree. There are certain things I pray for and hope for that are not within my power to control, and I am not good at waiting patiently for them. However, I have been through enough to know that God is a Good Dad, and I trust Him. I know that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. I know that I have never seen, heard, or imagined ANYTHING like what He has for me since I love Him. I also recognize that anything/anyone worth having is worth waiting for. And yet when something so wonderful is right in front of me that I know I want and would be a good thing, I turn into Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: “Don’t care how, I want it NOW!”

But God, being the amazing Father that He is, knows best. Everything happens the way it does for a reason, and He is using all of this for good. I don’t know exactly what the future holds for the rest of my life, but I know that God holds my future; that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He wants to give me good gifts in HIS TIMING. This difficult time of waiting is from Him, and I want to use the time wisely and productively. I also want to stay teachable and not simply wish the time away impatiently, but to learn the lessons God has before me in this time. He has big things to do during this wait, and I don’t want to get in the way of those being accomplished.

There will be difficulties in this season, no doubt, but I cling to Romans 5: 3-5 “…we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

So, life is hard, I’m impatient, but GOD IS GOOD, and I will trust Him. I only ask that in His mercy I would not be aware of every second ticking by as I wait. :)

House of Mourning

Ecclesiatstes 7:2- 4 “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.”

            I have the marvelous blessing of working in a “house of mourning.” I deal with the dying on a day- to- day basis, and I am learning a great deal from it. For those who may not know, I work at an adult boarding home for people with some form of dementia. Most of those who live in the facility have come there for good… to live there till they die. The residents run the spectrum of severity in their dementia. Some are still quite independent and functional whereas many can no longer feed, clothe, bathe or transport themselves. I am constantly reminded of how fleeting life is and how quickly our talents and abilities and intelligence can be lost.  I have tremendous joys, tremendous challenges, and tremendous sorrows working with the residents. Some of them I have come to be quite close to and do not like the idea that one morning I may come to wake them up, and they will not respond…but that is reality.

            I used to avoid thinking about death, but now I have come to see the importance of remembering that death is every man’s destiny. It makes me want to make everything count: every word, every action, every smile and facial expression. I have to be mindful of this with the residents because they will mirror your emotions. If I come across as stressed and harried, they will feel anxious and stressed, too. If I mirror joy and peace, they are much more likely to respond well to me. I want the things that I do in my life to have a positive affect on those around me.  Being constantly reminded of the frailty of life has propelled me to make those last days as peaceful and enjoyable as possible for the residents, too. It’s not always easy, but Christ’s love and words concerning “caring for the least of these” compels me.

            Any of you who have never worked with the dying, I would encourage you to do so. Volunteer at a nursing home, memory care facility, hospital, etc. Get to know some of the people and their stories. Be reminded of how quickly life can change and how transient our day to day existence really is. Let it bring you to a place where you can hold all you’ve been given in an open hand before God, for He gives and He takes away. Let it compel you to seize the moments you have now to bring Light into the world, to enjoy hard work while you can work, to cultivate meaningful relationships while you are still capable, so that when your own days are over, you can confidently let death usher you into God’s presence. Death is not what God wanted for us and is a result of sin entering the world, but, just like anything else that’s negative in this life, God can use it for our good and His glory. Let Him be glorified in my life AND my death, and may I not forget that life is but a vapor.

Your Own Personal Jesus

We are, by nature, needy creatures. We all want to be loved, have purpose, be accepted, and find fulfillment. Ultimately, we are made to need God, and through Christ we are to approach Him and find our perfect love, purpose, acceptance and fulfillment. I find that too often we try to create our own source for these things. Too many people are caught in unhealthy relationship patterns because they just want someone to love and accept them. It breaks my heart to think of those in the sex industry because they believe that’s what they’re best at and so find their purpose in a dehumanizing occupation. So many adolescents just want to belong and be accepted so they partake in underage drinking and drugs, among other things.

We all desperately want those longings to be filled, but strangely we are so reluctant to go to the only One who can really satisfy. For some reason this perfect love is terrifying, and we’d rather try to take care of things on our own. Part of the problem (maybe the main part of the problem?), I believe, is that God has been so misrepresented that some have no good reason to believe He will help in any way. Most people are under the impression that they’ve done too many “bad things” for God to accept them. They don’t realize that it’s because of those “bad things” that He even sent a way out for us…because He LOVES us. They’ve been rejected and abandoned by so many that imagining a God who loves them perfectly seems entirely implausible. 

Instead, we go through life creating our own form of Jesus, trying to find meaning, love, hope, and purpose in whatever we can reach. We think we have to “get it all together” before we can come to the Father. All the while, Jesus waits with arms stretched open, calling for anyone who will come find rest in His perfect love. 

I am quite content with the quiet, simple little life I lead. I don’t know that I’ve ever been able to honestly say that before now. I used to live with such constant longing and despairing over things I wanted to have, do, be that always seemed to be so elusive…as though God were playing some cosmic teasing game with my hopes and dreams. I still hope and dream about things, but I am learning to hold it all in an open hand and to say, “Father, here are my desires, but I will joyfully accept whatever you choose for me.”

            It took me long enough to get to that place…and it wasn’t an easy road, that’s for sure. But I am also learning to be genuinely grateful for the difficult things in my life that are molding and shaping who I am and who I am becoming. I really believe and trust that God will provide in some form whenever I may be in true need. The more I realize His perfect love for me, the more my fears are driven out. Life is good. God is Good. I’ve never been so in love with Him before, and I don’t want anything to steal, kill, or destroy that.  

A Fine Wine

When I was a teenager I would to cringe each time I heard someone say, “Enjoy this time while it lasts because these will be the best years of your life!”

           

 I thought, “Holy crap! If THESE are the best years, what the HECK do I have to look forward to??”

I didn’t exactly have the fondest of memories from my school years. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of good (and some GREAT) memories from those years, but there is also plenty that keeps me from longing for yester-year. I can honestly say, too, that those who told me those would be the best years of my life were entirely wrong. I am quite thankful for that fact. In fact, like the title suggests, I feel as though my life is progressing like a fine wine and actually IMPROVING with time. 

After all the things I have been through in my life and the lessons God is teaching me through it all, I can see how I am not the same girl I used to be. I have a confidence now that I wish I’d had in school. I don’t deal with the level of anxiety and depression that I remember so well from younger days. I’m actually ENJOYING being single for however long it may last. I have come to live in the truth that God is a good Dad to ME, and I am enjoying being romanced by Him as the Lover of my soul. I like myself, and I’m head over heels in love with Jesus. I’m learning to trust God more and more in the good times AND the hard times. I am finding joy in the midst of difficult circumstances. I am more bold about Christ than I’ve ever been before.

Given the changes that have taken place in myself over the past year I am so excited to see what God has in store for the remainder of my days on this earth. I hope and pray, too, that you can say that your life is like a fine wine…only getting better with time. And I don’t say that to mean that things are any easier or that nothing “bad” happens. I only mean that as we grow closer to God through Christ that we can have more abounding joys than we thought imaginable, even through our darkest hours.

Cookie Break?

I've got a question. It's rather a silly one, perhaps, but it's something I've been thinking about lately. Maybe one of you lovely readers can help me out.

I understand that cigarettes are addictive. I understand that once you're addicted there is a "need" and sometimes an "urgent need" when the desire hits. BUT, I have seen so many smokers take such frequent smoke breaks (while the rest of us are left to do the work) that I've had to wonder: If they can take a 5-minute smoke break every hour on an 8-hour shift because they're addicted and need it since they're stressed.....can I take a 5-minute cookie (or chocolate, or pizza, etc) break every hour since that's MY addiction and stress-reliever?

Somehow I think that wouldn't be as acceptable. Shame. I have vices, too.

The Wrong Jesus

I have the incredible opportunity to work with lots of people who do not like Jesus. I know that may sound strange, but it's true. I love talking with people who say they don't like Jesus only to discover they have an aversion to the wrong guy. I've sat and listened to countless lists of reasons why people don't like Jesus and have laughed when they're done talking. The look on their faces is priceless! I just smile and tell them, "You realize you're not liking the real Jesus, right?"

They look at me quizzically and say, "What do you mean?"

I tell them it would be like them describing me to someone they know who hasn't met me yet. They might say something like, "You should really meet my friend! She's great to be around, but you have to really shape up when you're around her. Otherwise she'll point out everything you do wrong and make you feel really judged and shameful. She's always willing to help you out in hard times as long as you always do what you're supposed to do...otherwise she'll beat you up. Don't you want to meet her?"

So not only have they NOT accurately described me...but who would want to be my friend after a statement like that?? Once I tell people that, they usually have more questions, but more often than not they will say, with a surprised look, "Oh..." and it will be left at that.

I wonder how often people who don't like Jesus are not liking the wrong one? I mean, if you're going to not like someone you should really make sure that 1. your facts are straight, and 2. that you're even talking about the right person. I can only hope that, however imperfectly, my life will be an example of the REAL Jesus and that I will be humble enough to admit when I'm misrepresenting Him. Because, frankly, Jesus is amazing, and I've never been more in love with Him than I am now, and I want everyone to know just how great the TRUE Jesus Christ really is. And there will be more said about Him in future posts. :)